So I'm sitting on my bed and I start to feel myself sway a bit. I immediately think, "Wow my blood sugar must be low. I need to eat something." But then it feels as though my whole bed is gently swaying back and forth like one of those kiddie rides outside of Kmart that still tuant you to put 25 cents in and hop on even though you're a fully grown "mature" adult.

I look over at Rico, and he is no longer lying down but in a pounce position staring towards the front door probably thinking, "If some crazy sh*t goes down, I'm outta here, lady!"

I try calling my fiancee even though not 10 minutes before he had informed me he was headed to the gym. Probably on a treadmill by now completely clueless as to the peril his fiancee is in at this very moment! But then its back to just feeling as though I might swoon, and then it stops altogether. And I would think about it more, but I have errands to run.

I head to Bed, Bath, & Beyond on 61st and 1st for dish soap that my fiancee has been bugging me to pick up for like a week now... and I'll probably get those sheets we've been wanting since we got those gift cards for our engagement party.

Then as I'm pondering the difference between a plain black and white shower curtain and one that screams Let's have a party in the bathroom! a man behind me says "Oh it looks like we had an earthquake."
"WHAT??!?! Oh my god! WOW! No way...Well thank god! I thought I was crazy!" Yes, let Manhattan crumble into the ocean as long as I'm not crazy... The cashier informs me that we didn't actually have the earthquake; it was a 5.9 in Northwest Virginia that we felt all the way up here. "Oh did I really spend THAT much already? Ok maybe return one of those sheet sets."

On my walk home I get an arm workout carrying my 3 large bags of home decor - didn't really think that one through as I was plopping things into my cart - and I hear murmurs of "Did you feel that earthquake?" "Oh yeah that was crazy" or "No I didn't feel anything, you crazy." I wonder about all the things I bought and would I really need all this stuff if there had been an earthquake in Manhattan. Should I return some things? Seeing as how I spent over 400 bucks, and BB&B does have a great return policy. Do we need the matching soap dispenser and cotton ball holder?? Do we even have room for more hangers??? Oh man, my fiancee is probably going to kill me for using up all our engagement gift cards and then some. But its stuff for us! Stuff to make the apartment look nice and livable. My head is going crazy with earthquake and itemizing for returns, and suddenly I stop short and exclaim, "I forgot the f*cking dish soap!!"

Yesterday I watched this video. I don't think it matters whether you are gay or straight, black or white, tall or short, fat or skinny, we can all relate to Joel Burns's message because at one time or another we have all been picked on or made fun of for one stupid reason or another. Growing up a lot of the time it was my dog Maggie (RIP) that got me through crying in my bedroom by myself if I had had a bad day or gotten in a fight with a friend or my mom. Because no matter what, pets love you unconditionally and they are great listeners. :)

I watched this video with Rico enveloped in my arms as he laid in between me and my laptop. And when I started crying midway through the video I looked down at him, kissed his head, and remembered that my life did get better too.

Watch at your own risk with a box of tissues...

Two years ago I started this blog. I started it for all the wrong reasons when really what I wanted was an outlet for myself to say the things I wanted to say, put them out into the world, and see if anyone who felt the same had anything to say back.


So as of October 12, 2010, I've deleted all my old posts, and I am starting over. I have no expectations for what this might be, but I will simply say that I am a struggling musician (singer to be exact), sometimes an actress, and I live in my shoebox apartment in Midtown Manhattan with my boyfriend and a cat named Rico.